My best advice. Don’t make the same mistakes repeatedly!!! If something is not working, try something different. It sounds so simple, but it’s soooooo hard – for all of us humans!
For example, I know that I should not put my iPhone in the back pocket of my jeans! I know this because about five years ago it ended up in the toilet! Not having everything I need for my life that is on that little but necessary appendage for two days while waiting for insurance to send me the new phone was not pleasant. Nor was going through the process of activating the new phone and getting everything working again. And of course, there was the insurance deductible I had to pay to get my new phone replacement.
Nonetheless, what did I do? You guessed it… on Monday I did the same exact thing. After five years, I forgot this important lesson and put my iPhone in my back pocket for a minute while I was getting everything ready that I needed to run errands. I sidetracked for a quick visit to the restroom… and Plop! I am still cranky about it and I still am not fully plugged in two days later.
But seriously, this happens in so many parts of our lives. We make the same mistakes repeatedly in our relationships. People know they shouldn’t yell at their spouse or their kids, but they do it anyway. Wives know they should use soft start up in how they bring complaints to their partner, but they get frustrated and come across harshly. Husbands whom I work with know one of the primary predictors for relationship conflict and failure is getting defensive to their partner’s concerns. But sometimes they forget, or they struggle to recognize how damaging the defensiveness is.
In my own life, I occasionally use harsh start and guess what happens? You guessed it. I have an argument with my husband and afterwards I think, “Why did I do that?” That was so not worth it! If only I remembered to use all the helpful tools and techniques that I teach all the time!
Most people know that their current reactions to their partner or child is not working because it has created a negative interaction pattern, but they just can’t figure out quite how to change it…
I spend a significant time in my sessions with clients strategizing what is one thing they can do differently that has the potential to create massive impact.
What is the one thing mistake you have been making? What is your bad habit that you need to change?
If you need help with doing something different or changing one of your personal habits or relationship reactions, please contact a Relationship Repair Associate today!
