My heart hurts. It hurts for people who are without parents.
So many of my clients (and even some people I know in my personal life) have someone who gave birth to them on this earth, but the people who brought them into this world mostly cause them emotional pain.
These people are without a parent or parents.
Parents love and protect.
Parents provide attachment and security to their child. In other words, no matter what struggles the child is going through they listen and support. The message from their actions and listening ear is “You are loveable, and you are never alone on this earth… so long as I am alive, you can always come to me and I will be here.” Parents are supposed to meet their child’s attachment needs with no expectation that their child will meet their own…
Parents listen and validate their child. They don’t tell their child “you are too sensitive.” They respect and accept their child’s feelings.
Parents accept their child’s personality and flaws. The only thing they don’t accept is truly unacceptable behaviors such as serious drug use, criminal behavior, and violence. But they don’t criticize their child for personality traits such as being too talkative, or being too sensitive, or too serious about school or work or any other myriad of personality traits, behaviors, and attitudes. Only emotionally abusive people think of their child in this way.
Parents give time and attention to all their children. It might not always be equal, but there are attempts to make it close to equal. Parents don’t spend most of their time and attention with one child and then rarely see or give attention to their other child.
Parents praise their children’s accomplishments. They don’t put out the trophies and praise the accomplishments of one child and then hide the trophies of their other child, ignoring their accomplishments.
Parents don’t love the child who is the most like themselves in personality and reject another child who is different from themselves.
Parents don’t emotionally abuse a child by giving silent treatment and not speaking to their son or daughter for hours, days, months, or years. They don’t emotionally punish one child while being protective of their other child. They accept that siblings fight and have problems, but they don’t choose one child to protect while throwing the other child under the bus.
Parents don’t yell and scream and curse and call names. If they do, they apologize and make amends to their child.
Parents don’t repeatedly lash their children with belts or flick them with their fingers or thump them on the head or slap them across the face. If they accidentally lose their temper or engage in a violent behavior, then they later repair the relationship with their child.
Parents give their child unconditional love and security. Always. Even when their child is sick, depressed, having financial problems, or going through any number of life challenges. In fact, parents are the one person who most people need to have their back.
If you are Person Without A Parent, and you would like to be part of a support group, please email me at stephanie@drstephanieonline.com. If I get enough interest, I am going to start a group.
If you are struggling to truly be a Parent to Your Child (no matter their age) because of your own wounds and experiences in your life, we hope you will reach out to a Relationship Repair Associate Today for an appointment.
