Last weekend we went on a family ski vacation, and on Saturday night we went snow tubing in what the ski resort called the Northern Lights. We took turns going down the mountain with different members of the family… there were soothing lights changing on the mountain side and cool music playing. It was a neat atmosphere! At one point I flew down on the snow tube with my 17 year old son Luke, and at the bottom I was waiting for my husband and younger son. My seventeen year old started to run ahead, and I said “go on ahead” – his older sister and her boyfriend were just ahead of us… going up the mountain for another turn!
All of a sudden, Luke turned around and came back to me. He said, “It’s okay Mom, I’ll wait with you. Remember you taught me to never walk ahead of a woman, to always walk next to her.” (I had forgotten that I taught him this on some previous occasion, but I liked the sound of it!) I really didn’t mind if he went ahead for another turn down the mountain, but this little mother-son moment was pretty great!
Luke told me what a fun time he was having, and I thanked him for waiting with me. We chatted for a few minutes. Then we walked up the hill together with my husband and younger son. What a special moment we shared, and it makes me emotional now to just think of it.
I am definitely sensitive to people walking ahead of each other instead of next to one another. I was in a romantic relationship much earlier in my life in which my partner nearly always walked ahead of me. It was a way to devalue me and one of many ways in which I was neglected. In my years of experience, I have heard many women complain that men walk ahead of them. In all cases, the men were emotionally neglectful and insensitive of their partner. Friends do not walk ahead of each other. They walk together as companions.
Of course, there are times when someone might need to run ahead on occasion for some practical reason (rushing to the bathroom or to take in food quickly that the hostess is waiting on). I am speaking here of a pattern of walking ahead of someone for no real logistical reason.
I recall we had a neighbor from 2005-2010, and I always saw the husband walking ahead of his wife. Every single time I saw them walk in or out of their house to their automobile, he never once walked next to her. Isn’t that sad? I could imagine how that relationship was faring. Besides the fact that he was clearly showing his power and control over her, I can only imagine that later she was probably not wanting to get close to him for an intimate moment.
I sincerely hope that you are not being emotionally neglected or abused in your relationship. And, I also hope that you are not the one being insensitive to your partner by walking ahead. Because we only have so many moments on this earth to experience love, companionship, and conversation.
Make the most of those moments! And if you need help with changing an emotionally neglectful part of your relationship, please Contact a relationship repair associate for assistance!