Did you know that “couples who celebrate together, stay together” ??? I have been thinking about this more the past couple days because it was my husband’s birthday on Wednesday …
Some people will say they are not into the whole Hallmark thing and that stuff is fake. The good news is that you don’t have to spend a lot of money to honor a special day in your relationship. Although… if your partner would like you to be a little more generous with your dollars around special days, you should probably reconsider. Why?
Research by Gottman and Colleagues shows that one of the predictors for relationship success (along with good complaint resolution) is Creating Shared Meaning. There are many ways for couples to create shared meaning, including have dreams and plans for the future. However, one important predictor for relationship success is having shared rituals during holidays.
Many couples plan and create rituals naturally while others struggle with formalizing special events. BOTH people in a relationship have to put in some effort and planning for traditions and rituals to be SHARED. If only one person is doing all the planning, preparing, and celebrating and the other person does not participate or help, then the rituals tend to not be as positive.
I have definitely heard some people complain in couples therapy when it comes to a Birthday or Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or other special holidays that their partner does not get them a card or do anything special to honor the day whereas they do a lot for their partner. This is not a good sign, so if you are guilty of not participating and making holidays special… you might want to Step It Up…
In our house, birthdays happen not only on the day of the birthday but the weekend before or after. That is when the whole family gets together for a special dinner, cake, and opening gifts. That often can’t happen on the day of the actual birthday. So, on my husband’s birthday this past Wednesday we couldn’t all be together because my daughter is off at college. I still made him a nice dinner at home, and my 7 year old helped me to put balloons in his office and bake a homemade cake with his favorite peanut butter frosting. Then, last night we had some quality time together just him and I. Now, on Sunday the whole family including my daughter will meet for dinner at a restaurant and we will have another cake and he will open gifts and cards. This is our tradition for everyone’s birthday, it’s like a birthday week celebration. I hope you enjoy your traditions and holidays, and if you need work in this area talk with your partner and find ways to SHARE the celebration…
