I always have a tune stuck in my head! This week it is a song from when I was in high school called “Coming Out of The Dark.” The music video showed Gloria (the singer) literally rebuilding her physical strength after a dark time in her life. She is lifting weights and coming out of the dark. Recently, I have been going to exercise classes and lifting weights. I ran a 12 minute mile on Wednesday, which has not happened in several years. The song is fitting for me physically. And mentally.
Mentally, I have been coming out of some dark times in my life. I feel like my world is opening up, and I can look around to see happiness and joy. I went through a dark time several years ago when I felt helpless. I became overburdened with financial problems as a small business owner when the economy tanked over ten years ago. This was coupled with having to deal with a sociopath who would not leave me alone. I hated going to the mailbox at that time in my life! And then my third child had special needs. Caring for him was like caring for three children. Sometimes, I would sit down at my laptop to finally do my administrative work exhausted from hours of care taking for clients and my family, and I would end up writing “help me” in the google search engine box. And then I would delete it and go back to doing whatever I needed to do for work.
For years, I had to compartmentalize my own fear, emotional pain, and darkness for hours and days at a time so that I could help my clients who were dealing with relationship problems and their own darkness. I had to see my own therapist at times to deal with the “help me” I was writing in the google search engine box. I prayed to God that he would be faithful to me. (I respect my clients who are not religious, however I have found comfort in the prayers I learned as a child). I found small glimpses of light in other people, and I found solace in the habits and routines I learned from my mother and grandmother. No matter how much I felt I was struggling emotionally, there was a sense of order in taking care of my family’s daily routines.
I did this. I compartmentalized. I consoled and mentored my clients even while I was internally battling and fighting against darkness every day within myself.
I am stronger for it. And my business is financially stronger for it. My marriage with my husband is strong as we have weathered and endured much together. Our children are thriving. I almost always have found love to give even in the dark where there is a battleground . You should know that I am Coming Out of Darkness Into A Very. Bright. Light. God has been faithful to me. I keep praying now that I will get a few years with less suffering. I am holding my breath, hoping nothing else bad will happen so we can share some of our prosperity, and I can breathe deeply.
When I validate my clients about many things, they look surprised to see that I understand and have the right words to explain their darkness. I have always been sensitive to understand the feelings of others. But there is nothing like living in darkness to really understand what it can feel like.
These winter days are dark and gray. The holiday time can create more feelings of despair for people who are going through hard times without enough support. More people struggle with suicidal thoughts, depression, and grief this time of year. If you are one of them, I hope you will read this story and reach out for help. Research shows that just 5 sessions of talk therapy alone can drastically reduce depression symptoms and lighten feelings of grief and sadness.
Almost every day there is an appointment available at one of our locations with myself or one of my associates. If you need help, you need help. Do not hesitate or wait until the darkness consumes you. It is better to Come Out Of The Darkness…