So, this may come as a surprise to many of you… My couples therapy private practice is a little bit like a gym after the New Year. When people set their New Years Resolutions, a common goal is for couples to improve their relationship. Fortunately, the commitment required for couples therapy and the doctor-patient relationship help people to stay on track much further into the year than many people are able to continue going to the gym!
What are the most common goals that people set? To improve communication, to learn how to resolve conflict better, and to increase passion and intimacy.
What actions do I think will help couples to improve their relationships the most? There are two things. First, is to have a Relationship Repair Counter for your relationship. More to come in a future blog about having your RRC in tip-top shape!
The second is to build a culture of appreciation. Showing appreciation and being willing to stretch and grow in the relationship are vital to success. So, I suggest that at the dinner table or to kick off a date night together – do the appreciation and stretching exercise from Imago Couples Therapy! Each partner takes a turn filling in the first three phrases below to show appreciation, then each partner takes a turn completing the second three phrases below to express how they are stretching in the relationship.
Appreciation
- Something I have have appreciated about you during the last (day, week, weeks) is ……
- This was very important to me because …
- The way you made me feel is … (express positive emotions such as happy, cared for, loved, accepted, calm, supported).
Stretching
- One way that I have been trying to grow to improve our relationship during the last (day, week, weeks) is ……
- This was a stretch for me because …
- The way I felt while I was stretching was … (express emotions such as scared, happy, proud, frustrated, concerned).
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