I completely understand that providing Relationship Repair is not easy. So, I like telling one of my favorite stories about having a Relationship Repair Counter from my motivational speech for couples with a couples therapy video here online.
I know you will be able to relate to this story. A couple of years back, my brother who live in my home state of Nebraska came out to the East Coast for a visit. On the first night of Carl’s stay, my husband and I were visiting with him and his wife over a glass of wine. My brother and I were laughing about all kinds of stories, reminiscing, and just really bonding. Later that evening when I was alone with my husband, he did the unthinkable! That’s right – he interfered with my perfectly blissful evening by filing a complaint at the Relationship Repair Counter. (Except the counter was not really open at that time, if you know what I mean). Brendan’s complaint was that during the conversation with my brother, I cut him off and interrupted him three times! What I thought was: I didn’t mean to. It really was not my fault! Even though I am really good at listening in my professional life – I was raised on a farm with five kids all fighting for air time. Put me together with my siblings, and I start interrupting! Well, even though I didn’t mean to be so rude, I reluctantly opened my Relationship Repair Counter. My husband had a good point, and I value him, so I gave an apology and promised to not interrupt him during the next day’s conversations with my brother. I even checked to make sure the complaint was fully resolved before saying goodnight. Whew, all in a good days work at the Relationship Repair Counter!
How many of you can relate to how much work this Relationship Repair Counter stuff really is? How many of you are going along having a perfectly fine day, until your significant other decides to register a complaint about you? Are you with me that this can be a real downer? … Depending upon how you think about it. Now we are getting to the motivation part of my speech. Most of us need a regular Attitude Adjustment when it comes to Relationship Repair. I want you to give your significant other Relationship Repair, but before we work on that it is vital that you have the right Attitudes for Relationship Repair. There are six attitudes for having a Relationship Repair Counter that I teach in my book and in my seminars. I will only comment on one of the most important attitudes here. An important Relationship Repair Attitude is that even though you are a wonderful person most of the time, it is normal for your significant other is still going to bring up a complaint when you make a mistake. Just think about it, imagine you go to your favorite restaurant repeatedly because you love the food, the ambiance, the service but on the eighth visit there is hair in your food. Are you going to complain about it? Absolutely! Does it mean that the restaurant is terrible? No. Can you even imagine what would happen if the restaurant manager were to say, “What is your problem. We provide you with great service and wonderful food nine times out of ten and the one time we get it wrong, you are going to complain it. You are sooooo needy…”?
Yet, this kind of response is what I sometimes see in romantic and family relationships. People make a valid, understandable complaint to their significant other or a family member and instead of getting a repair-oriented response that builds trust and loyalty, they receive defensiveness. Pretty soon there is a fight brewing and the beginning of drama!
So, here is my advice. In your romantic relationships I want you to be like the restaurant the manager who says, “I am sorry. You are an important customer here, so I want to bring you some free appetizers and a discount to make up for the inconvenience. Will that receive this mistake?” I want you to restore trust and loyalty with your loved one so that you have less fighting – Less Drama and More Success.
Please contact me for more information about Couples Therapy in Baltimore, Couples Therapy in Silver Spring and Couples Therapy in Columbia Maryland through my contact page!
